Sunday, July 17, 2016

30 Weeks

Unfortunately after 82 days on the market with no offers, another person put an offer in on the house I wanted on the same day we did.  It wasn't as much as our offer but we still had to get our house on the market and they accepted the other offer which didn't have a contingency.  I have never lost an immediate family member (not even a grandparent since I've been alive) so I can honestly say finding out we wouldn't be getting the house was the saddest day of my life.  I cried so hard I couldn't breathe.  I cried for 11 hours STRAIGHT which included picking up the kids from school, bringing Madison to guitar lessons and getting us all home.  I believe Jackson had a soccer practice that evening and Chris had to take him.  I couldn't even see out of my swollen eyes.

I did my best to get back in the saddle and continue to look for houses with absolutely no luck.  A few weeks later Chris jokingly showed me a listing for a house in New Hampshire.  I've been adamantly saying no to New Hampshire because it's so far away from our family but also because the real estate taxes are so much higher there.  I took one look at the house and the price for the house and I said, "Great, now I have to move to New Hampshire."  It was impossible to pass up.  We drove up there to see what the area and the street were like and fell head over heals in love.  It was a tiny town and so quiet.  The house had been on the market for one day and we put an offer in 5K over the asking price.  (This is a link to it but it probably won't be up forever) They flat out rejected the offer because we had a contingency to sell our house (it was officially going on the market 4 days later).  We offered another 5K over and at that point they had another offer that wasn't as high but they wanted to take the lower offer because of our contingency.  We offered ANOTHER 5K and they just went ahead and accepted the other offer.  I was once again heart broken.  So horribly sad.  I just can't even describe the tears that I cried over it.

Our house went on the market on June 6th.  8 days later we had an offer 20K under our asking price.  We were annoyed but countered basically just to buy us some time to see if any other offers came in.  We countered at 5K below asking and she countered with 12K below asking.  During the last counter we got a second offer of 5K above asking and on the 17th (our 15th wedding anniversary) we accepted that offer.  The inspection went very well for a 200 year old house and we only have a couple of minor things to fix up.  We signed the P&S last week and they want to close on July 27th.  The buyer is due with a baby on August 4th and wants to be in the house before then.

I've already had a few crying sessions when I've thought of leaving my house.  I'm crying now just thinking about it again.  
After 16 years how do you walk out of each room for the last time?  How do you turn off the lights and lock the door and stand on the porch and drive away for the last time?  The tears just stream like a faucet when I think of it.  I know lots of people do it every single day but how do I leave the house I got ready for my wedding in (when we had no desire for a family)?  How do I leave the house we spent three years living in while doing fertility treatments?  How do I leave the house where I grew my two babies in my belly?  How do I leave the house I brought those two miracles home to?  I literally don't know how I'm going to physically do it.  I fear I will need to be carried away.  It's going to crush me and I feel like no one understands.  Everyone tells me I'm too sensitive and that better things are coming and I'm sure they are but I honestly don't see how I'm going to be able to walk away from that house in 10 days.  I feel like it could kill me and for once I just wish someone would say "I understand how hard this must be for you", or "Wow, this really sucks for you".  I understand there are much more awful things going on in the world or other peoples' lives and I need to keep things in perspective, but THIS is MY life and this is crushing me.  I feel like I can't breathe again.

MAYBE if we had a house lined up to buy I would feel better but we just don't.  We don't agree on anything.  I thought maybe we had decided to put an offer in on a house in Groveland which there is really nothing wrong with (except that it's on a (not busy) main road but Chris just told me today he wants to hold out for a house in neighborhood.  The problem is any house that is in a neighborhood is out of our price range.  That's just the way real estate works.  Houses on main roads are less valuable and the price reflects that.  We can wait for years and it will just never happen.  We are waiting for something that doesn't exist.  With a baby on the way, needing to figure out where to send Madison and Jackson to school at the end of August, and needing to move in with family and feel like a complete and utter burden, it's all just too much.  A few months back I was sure I would have seen the light at the end of the tunnel by now but I just don't.  The tunnel is in fact getting smaller and darker and this is just not where I would have ever wanted to be in my life.

We found out out a couple weeks ago that Jackson made the Peabody travel A team this year which we were really happy about (he was on the B or C team last year...we never really figured out which).  I'm pretty sure he will just continue playing on that team for the next year even if we move out of Peabody since any town we move to will have already filled their teams and won't have room for him.

Since school got on on June 22nd the kids and I have kept very busy.  I've had a lot of doctor appointments, I got a new car (honda odyssey), spent a week in Vermont with friends then drove straight to cape cod to spend a couple of days with other friends (typing from there now).

Of course the bright side to everything is that baby Goodwin is growing and doing great.  I have gestational diabetes again so I'm taking insulin and checking my readings after every meal.  It's no fun but better than being in the hospital for pre term labor like I was at this point with the twins AND having gestational diabetes.

I'm sure I have a lot more to write about but this updates our housing situation for now.

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