I'm still alive...

but a part of me definitely died a little.  As if it wasn't hard enough to have to leave the house for the last time we added a ton of stress by not being fully prepared/packed for the actual moving truck day.  I could barely do anything at all.  I would get up to empty a cabinet and a minute later my back was toast and I would have to sit down.  My sciatic nerve was also an issue (still is) so it was even hard to sit and sort through things.  The yard was full of basement/shed items which we had sorted into trash/keep/yard sale piles.  The house still had all of our furniture in it and the kitchen, bathroom, and closet still needed to be boxed up.  I don't even remember what Chris and I accomplished that morning but my mom came over around noon and got to work on the kitchen.  I had to run some errands around 2 so the kids and I left.  We got back home at 3:30 and all three bedrooms were empty!!!  My dad had come over with the moving truck and they got right to work.  They moved all of the furniture out on to the lawn.  That struck me as really sad so I did some crying there.  I believe they loaded up the truck and the two of them brought it to the storage unit and unloaded it.  Mind you it was over 90 out and so incredibly humid and the house has no air conditioning.  I think I worked with my mother in the kitchen the best I could but I honestly don't even have any memory of what I did exactly.  I mostly felt completely useless.  When they brought the truck back they emptied more furniture out of the living room.  Eventually Chris's brother and our 17 year old nephew came over to help along with our friend Dave.  My mom and I went out to pick up chinese food for dinner.  After dinner they loaded the truck one more time and brought it to storage.  My dad returned the truck and came back with his car and anything that was left at the house was small enough to fit in our cars to be moved.  Everyone kept telling me I had to leave and get some rest but there was just too much to do and supervise.  I couldn't rest unless I knew everything was going to the right place (storage, my in law's house, or my parents house).  At 9:30 (the kids were still up and with us) everyone but my parents had left and Chris was starting to panic because the house needed to be empty and it really didn't even seem close.  The walk through was the next day and Chris and my parents were all working and I couldn't do anything!  We had to call it quits for the night and we all left for my in laws to sleep for the first time.  We managed to have the walk through pushed off until the next evening and Chris decided to only go in to work in the morning.  The kids were invited to go to the beach with friends the next day so they got picked up early and I was able to go up to the house and do a little bit.  I boxed up the bathroom and emptied the front closet but that is seriously all I could do in 3 hours.  Well that and cry.  When Chris got out of work he came to the house with his mother and she helped me finish up the kitchen.  While I was there alone I was whining to my friend Shauna how hopeless it seemed that we would get this done so she packed up at work in Boston and came right up.  She is a TASK MASTER!  She got there around 1.  I had an appointment I had to go to from 3-4 and when I got back the house was completely empty.  I couldn't even believe my eyes.  The kids were back at the house at that point too.  A junk truck came at 4:30 and took everything away from the trash pile and a bunch of old junk that was still in the basement.  All of our cars were filled with stuff to be brought to my parents house then the fun times began.  I went in each room and bawled my eyes out trying to soak in all the memories I could possibly remember.  Room by room I said goodbye with such an ache in my heart.  The kids were following me around and hugging me.  Luckily they didn't cry at all!  They are such easy going kids.  I made Chris come in and we all hugged in the front hall for the last time.  We all left and closed the door and drove away for the last time.

We went back to my inlaws, had dinner then went out to buy an air mattress to sleep on in the basement.  

Today I had a baby appointment in the morning and Chris's mom took the kids to the movies then Chris and I had to go to the closing.  I tried so hard to not cry but I did at the very end and I ended up giving the girl a hug (she's pregnant too and due next week).  Someone said "can you even reach each other with those bellies??"  It was just the perfect thing to make me laugh.  I think I made her cry too.  

Chris and I went to lunch at Bertucci's after then I tried to do a little retail therapy at the Vineyard Vines warehouse sale but they really didn't have anything good.  I went back to my inlaws to an empty house.  Chris's mom had taken the kids to her friends pool.  I made the most of the quiet and cool AC.

Finding a house is continuing to be impossible.  Anything in our budget is either too small, needs too much work, or is on a main road. Everyone thinks we are being too picky but the move in ready houses, in quiet neighborhoods, in our budget are more like first time home buyers homes which is what we just left!  We are in our 40s now are are ready for a grown up house that we are proud to have our friends and family over to.  I think we deserve that much.

The plan is to stay with Chris's parents until closer to my due date so that I can be with my parents after the baby is born.  I'll be recovering from surgery, hopefully nursing a newborn, and possibly dealing with postpartum depression so I will want to be with my mother for all of that.